my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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