true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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