The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize