I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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