They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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