true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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