dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wish my penis had a tongue
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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