so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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