I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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