you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize