You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm getting married
To pizza
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize