I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
where are my eyebrows?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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