What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize