Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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