I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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