I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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