Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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