why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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