I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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