wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize