she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
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I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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