Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do vagina's smell?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize