Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize