time to smoke my breakfast
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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