Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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