My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
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This is my gift to your gina
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize