Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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