There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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