Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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