I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize