We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize