i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude. I can hear the air.
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