Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
