Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize