you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's blow job season.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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