All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize