i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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