..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize