i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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