I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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