I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize