im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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