are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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