I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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