my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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