I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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You. Win. At. Life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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