She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize