she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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