Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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