if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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