Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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